Mission Log 12 - Stardate 21901.31 "Yesterday's Mistakes"

Mission Logs for Gettysburg, “Yesterday's Mistakes"

Mission Summary

Mission dates: 218-- through 21901.31

Crew Logs

Commander Jennifer Braggins, Acting First Officer

Stardate 21807.29

Commander Braggins. Not Lieutenant Commander, but Commander.

When I spoke with Tyra before the crew recall, I honestly thought Gettysburg CTO was where my career would end. I mean, it was likely I might get promoted eventually, but I was never going to be allowed anywhere near the centre seat of a starship; I figure I'd probably have been shuffled off to a desk job somewhere, accumulating seniority and promotions based on time-in-service like some of the 'lifers' dad warned me about.

Now here I am, wearing maroon with a shiny new pip to go with it.

Tyra laid down the law pretty firmly regarding the way she expects me to behave, and she's right; I'm not just Chief Tactical Officer any more, I'm First Officer and supposedly a role model for the entire crew. No pressure there! My new duties, in addition to being the Captain's right-hand woman, include mentoring our three new Midshipmen on their training cruise, and making sure none of them do anything that would get them court-martialled. They seem to be smart kids...I say kids, they're all older than I am, and hopefully this mission truly is the milk-run that we were promised.

Though I coveted this position, at times without realising it, I started to miss my previous role the moment I put the jacket on. Eli McKenzie will make a fine replacement, but already I wonder whether accepting this position even on an acting basis was a mistake. On the other hand, I'm determined to make sure that Tyra doesn't start to think offering it to me was a mistake... I may already miss sitting at the helm, and the First Officer's chair may be a strange new world for me, but I'm going to give it my best shot. If I succeed, great; if not, perhaps there's an Escort flotilla somewhere that needs a helmswoman...

End Log.

Stardate 21811.25

We have arrived at a beleaguered Klingon world on the Cardassian border. The Klingons appear to have been experimenting with the Augment virus again, with the same results as their last attempt. Casualties will likely be total if we cannot assist, but we are not without our own problems: all but one of our Department Heads have mysteriously fallen ill. A guest from Star Fleet Medical appears to have the information we need to help these people, but it is apparently inaccessible at this point in time...

Worse for me, hardly the people-iest of people, I now have a Shuttlecraft full of replacement crew hovering off the bow demanding to know what's going on. I'm going to have to greet these people since Tyra is still in Sickbay doing...whatever...

I think I'd rather take a Bat'leth and fight a population of Klingon Augments than do a meet and greet...

End Log.

Stardate 21901.16

What a nightmare...

Where to start? Er...

Department Heads: Poisoned. Monroe and Prittle: Augments. Casualties: High.

Whoever sent Monroe and Prittle to the Gettysburg must have had some kind of ulterior motive, the whole situation is far too convenient to be a coincidence...

Monroe is somewhere on Deck Ten according to the most recent scans, and I've pursued Prittle to the Computer Core. He's now quite safely dead, but I've got no idea what he's done to the ship. I need a computer expert in here, but I also need new skin on my palms and I think the bastard broke my cheek... I'd swear I'd kill him if he's chipped a tooth, but he's, well...

The ship is at Red Alert, and I don't know why. Once I've taken a moment to gather myself and ensure the Core is secure, I'll return to the Bridge and see what's going on. Briggs is an experienced officer, but leaving him in charge so soon after his demotion may have been a mistake...

Too many new faces, too many unknown quantities...

End Log.

Commander Edward Gregg, Acting Chief Science Officer

Stardate 21812.01

New ship, hopefully for the last time, unless I manage to work my way back up the chain of command. Of course knowing me that will be an uphill struggle and it isn’t getting easier. Due to circumstances I currently hold the position of Acting Chief Science Officer. Had been expecting a little more time to discover what it’s like not to be in charge of a department.

As always the mission seemed straight forward enough. Klingons were messing about with the Augment Virus and it went pandemic. The welcoming committee of four K’t’inga-class battle cruisers was something of a surprise. You’d expect something like that in a museum if the Klingons ever went in for museums.

I was in charge of the Bridge for five minutes and nearly got the Gettysburg destroyed. A mysterious illness is spreading among some of the crew and I made the mistake of being honest with Colonel M’Rok, an odd Klingon who seems to be in charge of the welcome committee. Need practise with knowing how to be selective with the truth

Jenny Braggins managed to talk M’Rok down with the right words. Odd to see her here as it’s been years since Yadalla. She’s certainly following in her father’s footsteps. Oddly enough our CMO and one of our officers isn’t who they were meant to be. There’s an ongoing hunt for the intruders. Kinda hard letting somebody else handle the problem. I guess it’s all part of the learning curve.

End log and encrypt.

Stardate 21902.08

The phrase unmitigated disaster comes to mind. When responding to a medical crisis in a non-Federation system you don’t usually expect sabotage from fellow crew members. Our CMO and a Security Officer turned out to be Augments. They killed and injured a number of our rapid response officers who were attempting to retrieve the box brought onboard by Commander Sigmund.

The box was recovered and Commander Sigmund requested the assistance of a Science Officer with computer expertise. I was volunteered. Working with two Engineering Officers we were able to access the box and turn the formula stored inside into a cure which could be dispersed around the planet. B’el’th paH was saved after a fashion. Anyone infected died. There were areas where the cure didn’t reach, so there will be more dead.

There might be less dead than if we hadn’t come, but it makes me wonder how can we do any good when we’re being sabotaged from within. It is not an uncommon occurrence. I guess there’s been an even balance of disasters and successes. Hopefully there’s a brighter future around the corner.

End and encrypt.

Lieutenant AJ Chamber, Chief of Security

Stardate 21807.17

After an extended period of time traveling from Earth to Starbase Alpha and then Alpha to Bravo, it is finally time to board the USS Gettysburg. I am grateful for the two weeks I got to spend on Bravo waiting for the Getty's crew recall. It not only gave me the eventual opportunity to meet Captain Tyra Crawford, but perhaps even more importantly, it gave me time to study the ship layout in a creative and in-depth way.

Not many people get to step foot on a ship for the first time already having its layout committed to memory. I especially feel like that will give me an advantage in the unlikely chance of some sort of security-related emergency popping up. Still, whether it just helps me find the gym without getting lost or allows me to navigate a dark ship, it was worth it.

I plan on changing things slowly across the Security Department. The Getty's security department has a good reputation and I don't feel a need to fix what isn't broken. I will, however, closely observe things and see what needs to be altered or readdressed. We are prone to becoming monotonous to daily routines and I am sure some of that has crept into the security department. My fresh eyes might help see where that has happened and how it can be addressed.

I do plan on having a meeting shortly after launch, though I might wait to see if the Captain is doing a mission briefing first.

On a side note, I have yet to meet a First Officer. In the past, it was the FO who interacted primarily with the department heads. I wonder if that will be the same on the Getty. Time will tell.

End log.

Lieutenant (JG) Eliana McKenna, Security

Stardate 21806.28

Eliana waited a few seconds after the confirmation beep before speaking wondering if she should continue or not. Then again after saying most of this out loud to her brother Tomas supposed it wouldn't hurt to include everything that had happened during shore leave in her personal log and maybe one day would look back on it and realise just how far she had come since leaving the Academy.

Here goes, since returning to Bravo, I feel as though I've become more confident and more like the old me before I lost my way slightly especially after the last mission and also dealing with the changes to my personal life. I actually ventured onto the base thanks to some encouragement from my brother who I swear knows me better than I know myself but then again his advice and support has never once been a bad thing ever since we were kids.

Anyway after some initial trepidation of reliving the past, I actually enjoyed shopping and spending time in the small cafes and making new friends with a couple who were stationed there. Then I saved Jaxx from a very embarrassing situation and I'm glad that we were able to talk and make up after he apologised about his behaviour during the Matsuda incident. That was until we kissed, something I actually wanted to happen especially since he was the first person to give me any kind of attention since .........

That doesn't matter now as he hasn't spoken to me since despite my reassurances that he hadn't ruined our friendship, that I was as much to blame for allowing it and since coming back to the ship, he's avoided me. I hope that we can repair our friendship as I honestly don't want to lose him as a friend.

If things weren't complicated enough, Mike also paid a surprise visit and it brought back all of those emotions that I've been trying to bury about how I feel about him. Yet it felt good to be in his embrace and to talk about the baby but at the same time I couldn't help but wonder how he felt about me and if he wanted to us to be together. However his visit was only brief and by the time I plucked up the courage to ask it was too late and now I have to accept that he may never be interested in me romantically although we will always have a special bond as friends and parents to our son.

There's still a lot we need to discuss regarding the baby and these questions and thoughts are constantly with me so hopefully I'll see Mike again before he arrives so we can talk about it. Maybe someday I'll find love again and perhaps that could be with Mike but until then I know that its not the most important thing and if its meant to happen it will and if not then I'll be content with just being happy and being the best mother I can be.

As for my career I know there's the possibility of me asking for a transfer something me and Mike discussed so we can be closer to one another in order to share responsibilities and care for our son but for now I'm happy to still be on the Getty and I know that decision will need to be made sooner or later and what my options will be.

Until then I fully intend to live a little more and enjoy life and I started by attending the rock theme night in Ten Forward where I got to meet Leah and Harley and I already consider them to be friends and I look forward to getting to know them more.

I think that's it for now and I'll try to update this more frequently especially as I learn more and continue to improve and be more like the old me.

End Log

Stardate 21812.02

Where do I begin? my second mission and this time it was a lot more eventful than my first one aboard this ship. Firstly I got promoted to JG which was a nice surprise given how I felt after my performance on the previous mission and something that I'm definitely proud of. Not that I've had chance to celebrate properly but that doesn't seem so important now especially what happened after that.

The ship was tasked with helping a Klingon colony that was being devastated by a mutated strain of flu which was scary enough to think about anyway especially with the pregnancy. However with me not being able to sleep thanks to little man using my insides as a trampoline and the usual aches, pains and need to constantly use the bathroom, I ended up on shift early. Now that isn't unusual even with me being given escort duty along with Brid when Commander Sigmund to assist with the crisis.

But what happened after left me feeling very emotional and drained. People got sick on the ship, Sickbay was in chaos, then darkness and .... well put this way I've never seen anything like it before and it will certainly remain with me for some time.

Loss is always hard but when you're attacked from within it tears at your soul more and makes it personal and that's how it felt but hopefully now we can move forward, rebuild but not necessarily forget.

After this experience I feel more determined, focused and stronger and now I just need to finish getting prepared from my son's arrival. Whether that involves another meeting with Mike or not, but whatever happens I know that William will be well looked after and that I can do this.

End log

Stardate: 21902.02

This is an addition to my previous log regarding the current mission as I felt it was necessary to document my experiences of what happened after witnessing the brutal way in which RRT Bravo were needlessly slain.

I don't think I will never unsee the barbaric and inhuman scene that we stumbled upon in the pursuit of Prittle and Monroe or how we then lost sight of Midshipman Ramius as we were ordered to meet with the Captain for further orders. At first I believed that he was simply being reckless and that he had disobeyed my instructions but in fact he had fallen through a open deck panel and well that's his story to tell.

However at least I found out the truth which in some way alleviated some of the guilt I felt over losing him and having to tell the Captain that. I do expect to still be called to answer for my actions and when I do, I will take full responsibility.

But I digress, as before I managed to speak to Ramius, myself and Brid took what data that was recovered from the impostors to Sickbay which was then handed over to Commander Sigmund and those helping her from Engineering. Even though it wasn't all there, they were able to use what they had whilst I decided to patrol the area.

That's when I came across our new CE who was attempting to break through the security bulkhead and numerous protocols to get to Deck 5. A heated discussion ensued which resulted in me shooting the door controls rather than shooting him. Although help came in the unlikely form of Midshipman Elias who managed to persuade his boss to follow him and who also revealed that the threat was now over.

I was definitely grateful to him for doing that and now that I've also talked to and helped Nathan, I'm ready for some much deserved rest before my next shift.

End log

Ensign Leah Wickley, Medical

Stardate: 21807.09

Aye. What is my life? I join Starfleet, get my arse transported across the solar systems, come to a star base and even before my first posting begins, I'm causing calamity. It didn't start off so bad, what with coming aboard to meet my Senior Officers and make a fool of myself of course.

Captain Tyra Crawford is exactly as I was expecting from a Captain. A nice combination of approachable and terrifying. Both beautiful and intimidating. I can respect that. I just hope she can have faith in me when the time comes that she needs me. I know I probably won't have much to do with her, since I'll be spending most of my time tending to boo-boos and broken hearts. If I ever do see her though, I hope it's not on a professional level. From either side of that spectrum.

• a small bit of shuffling, and a soft meow of protest is heard* Shhh, Leeroy. Just sit and be good. *another shuffle and then a grunt*

Okay, anyway, I suppose after that I should talk about the other crazy characters that are now in my life. *a pause* Hmm... Let's start with Jaxx...

He's charming. Handsome. Funny. Sweet... all the things to make girls swoon. The perfect ladies' man. He has his dense moments, of course, but I'm sure that might become either the butt end of a few jokes, or an endearing trait in my friend. Time will tell.

Either way, I slept with him. Of course, I did. Which, before I knew who he was, wasn't an issue! I had just spotted him in a crowd, pulled my own charm and wanted to have a bit of fun, and *fake explosion sound* next thing I know he's on the same ship as me, and I'll have to unfortunately see him again. I never plan to see them again! You know, the boys. They're just... *another pause* Look, my point is, he's an alright lad. But he's definitely not long term material. And just like with Tyra, I hope I don't see him much outside of Sickbay.

Oh! Especially if what happened today is any indication! Oh man, my poor sweet Aurora. Long story short, I bed with Jaxx, and a few days later, Jaxx finds this sweet girl and charms her pants off... literally. Which, I'm not surprised to be fair. But... *another shuffle, and a mumbled command, followed by another meow of protest* Ugh. But, when I found out she was... pure, before she met him, I about lost my shiite. Jaxx and I have a lot in common. We're not exactly built for relationships or for anything too intimate. It's just fun and games for us. And the one thing you never do is take a precious commodity from a sweet young thing. Ohhh I was furious! But, I also had to have a laugh at the soap opera that unfolded in the Sickbay...

I'm in there, mindin' my business, when Mr. Crandell comes waltzing in, probably for a quick flirt and a possible check up. I'm about to chastise him for preying on the innocent, when lo and behold, in comes the woman of the hour, Aurora Pond. Ohhh the look on her face! I felt awful! I knew I hadn't done anything wrong but in her eyes, here was Jaxx, the current apple of her eye, teasing and getting cozy with her new friend, little ol' moi. She was less than happy, but more than furious. A shockingly strong punch, and a knee in the jibblies soon after, Jaxx is cawing in pain, I'm watching with mild horror and detached amusement, just as Aurora flies out of Sickbay, and in comes my next appointment. Lieutenant Commander BJ Stonewall. Of course. An audience.

• shuffling* Leeroy! Not now... *another grunt and a low meow, almost commanding* I'll feed you in a minute, baby.

Anyway, it didn't take long before Jaxx wanted to bolt after his little butterfly, but with his nose all bloodied and his manliness tingling, I knew he wasn't going anywhere soon.

Aaand that's when things got hairy. Doctor Aegis Monroe. Oh boy. You know, I enjoyed the endeavor when I met her that first day when I did my rounds. She's perky, sweet, friendly and very agreeable. But the one thing I did not expect was how quickly that can turn from sweet bedside manner to "I'm in charge, go ahead and try to fight me". Man... she's got that look! I didn't know whether to be terrified or fall in love with her. I mean, I was scared for my life that she'd have me kicked out for letting a superior officer get knocked in the gonads by a fellow Middie, but I did my best to try and keep that information from leaking.

I'll give Jaxx credit. He did his part and protected the butterfly. I think for now, she's safe. But if Monroe goes after those security tapes... Oye.

But, all that said and done, it's been a hectic beginning to a long journey. I know soon we'll be shipping out, so I think it's just best if I lay low, and try not to get myself involved with another love triangle... or whatever it was that happened between the three of us.

I'm already over it.

Stardate 21902.10

• her voice is soft and stuttering, almost as if trying to control her emotions*

So uh... yeah. I-I-I think the word of the day for me is... f-f-ailure. *clears her throat* What I mean is, this was a complete and total train wreck. *soft, sad laughter* My first mission... and I'm reduced to a nearly helpless pile of jumbled nerves in Sickbay as I watch my fellow crew members fall ill one by one, and the one person I try to finally help... he... *stuttering breath* dies. Like... like everything me and Liam were attempting meant nothing... I couldn't handle it. The smells, the sounds, the ache in my chest... all those people, suffering...

• the sound of shuffling and soft thump as she hits the floor with a shuddering sob*

I don't even know right now. I took off like a coward, and I'm shocked no one has called me out for it yet. I know it's only a matter of time... But, I also know that we're headed back to Earth to transfer to a new ship, and if I'm lucky, I'll be welcomed aboard and perhaps I can just turn a blind eye to what happened and have a fresh start? *again, laughter* I highly doubt it though. It's Starfleet. They record and file -everything- that happens on star ships... Including the fleeing actions of a first time officer overwhelmed by her surroundings.

• a brief pause, as she thuds her head against the wall* Failure. How... how am I going to explain to Ma what happened?

• another pause, and a little chuckle* Though, I suppose, on the bright side, now that things are settled and everyone is either in the midst of damage control or moving on with their lives, Eli asked me to be her maid of honor for her wedding. I suppose, with every disaster comes a blessing. So, if I can get myself together long enough, I need to go and meet her in her quarters first thing tomorrow to discuss the plans for her big day.

• a small groan* For now, I think I need to drug myself and go to sleep.

End log.

Midshipman Benjamin Elias, Engineering

Stardate 21902.01

Well, this has been the day from hell. And it was only the first day on my new ship, too. Days like today, I really miss Iris and having her to talk to at the end of the day. A bunk mate just isn't the same, and if the scuttlebutt around the ship is to be believed, he may not be here for a little while anyway.

I guess I should start from the top, though. I was being transferred in on a shuttle with some other officers. One of them, my erstwhile roommate Nathan Ramius, was more eager than the rest of us and tried to interface with the Gettysburg's systems before we even had clearance to board. Of course, this was while the ship was surrounded by Klingon cruisers. I tried to warn him, but he didn't listen. I swear, he was greener than the Ferengi who cost me my eye. I can't believe that... well, I guess I'll just have to ask him when I can.

Anyway, rather than docking, we were beamed aboard the ship, directly to the observation lounge where we were greeted by the strangest first officer I've ever met. Though, to be fair, that's a small sample size, the Caitian security non-com with us also thought so and reacted as if Commander Braggins was a major threat, which led to me making a fool of myself. Not that I needed any help with that. I hit the deck on instinct - you don't react slowly to danger after you lose an eye - and dropped my transfer orders in my bag on the way down. Once I recovered, I grabbed the padd from my bag and handed it to the commander, only to discover I'd grabbed the wrong one. Handing the 23rd draft of a letter to your father that you'll never send to your XO is not the way you want to make a first impression. Fortunately, it wound up not being too much of a problem, and I was swiftly on my way with the last member of our transfers - the new Chief Engineer - down to Sickbay.

Because nothing's better than transferring to a new ship and finding out that it's being overrun by the plague, and your job is to go to ground zero and fix the quarantine field.

I swiftly donned a hazmat suit - Thrace is evidently a VolkAstrum, a race I didn't even know existed until I met him and didn't know the name of until I looked up his service record literally two minutes ago, and that has to wear environmental suits already and so was spared further indignity - and headed into Sickbay. There we discovered that the previous engineer sent in, LCdr Wick, had already gotten ill and left the job undone. A little bit of miscommunication happened, but eventually we were able to get some quarantine fields set up in the hallway, and then I got to work on replacing the field projector. It wasn't going to be a quick or easy job, and quite likely was pointless at that point, but still needed to be done, and as low man on the totem pole, that fell to me.

Oh, and during all of that we ran into the Captain in the medical conference room, where since I was trying my best to stay out of the way and wait for orders from my superiors, Captain Crawford promptly nicknamed me Shadow. Which seems to have stuck.

Anyway, we were quickly reassigned before I could do more than remove screws -- Computer, set a reminder for me to check, I think I dropped a screw in the wall there at Sickbay, I'll need to get it if I did -- all three of the engineers present were called to the conference room again, this time to try and get data off of an ancient data core. Well, I say ancient; it was from the 22nd Century, from the Enterprise of the day. Of course, it not only was so old we didn't have any compatible devices on hand, it was non-standard to boot. A little investigation yielded results, though, and I got a cable that was close enough that I could strip it back and connect it to the box and, through a small duotronic - duotronic! - conversion box, got it hooked up to sickbay's systems. I left it in the scientist's hands at that point, and tried to go back to the quarantine field.

Tried. I was on the way, but heard a phaser shot in the hallway. I poked my head out in the hallway, and met Lieutenant (j.g.) McKenna. Very nice, very pregnant, and at that moment training a phaser on my department head and having just fired it at the door controls he was trying to hotwire his way through. I don't know what possessed me to, but I got involved, trying to talk Thrace into not trying to break through the door, mostly because I thought that McKenna just might actually shoot him. I don't know what she's like normally, but right then, I really thought she would do it.

Fortunately, the situation was diffused, though I think I've drawn Thrace's ire as a result. Not long afterwards, they managed to find the cure to the disease and distribute it, ending the standoff with the Klingons outside and the renegade officers on the ship - oh, I forgot to mention those. Evidently there were two officers who went renegade and tried to sabotage the ship. Prattle and... something. I never really did get their names. I was too busy for the rest of my shift trying to finish getting the quarantine field installed, and then repairing the emergency bulkhead and door panel that Thrace had been trying to sabotage. I didn't even get a chance to get out of that stupid hazmat suit until about an hour ago. I was grateful that Ramius wasn't here for that; those things don't breathe at all. Though I guess if they did, that'd defeat their purpose.

Fortunately my gear appears to have made it intact. Still have about half a bottle left, though I likely won't have as much here in a minute. Fortunately I'm on beta shift, so I'll be able to sleep it off now that we're back on regular shifts. I'll need to get set up, though, if I want any more.

Maybe I should finish that letter to dad, let him know I'm alright. Find out how Mary and David are.

Or maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

God, I miss Iris.

End log.

Midshipman Nathan Ramius, Security

Stardate 21811.30

My first assignment, first cruise, first mission - life is full of firsts and I always used to look on that as a good thing, like creating memories with someone you care about, or exploring something unknown. For me it was always spending time with Aida or friends from the Academy: solving crossword puzzles together in some diner in San Francisco at four in the morning even though we all had exams the next day. Or exploring the Appalachians in autumn; the cool crisp air touching everything in the morning and making you shiver until the sun peaked from behind the mountains and turned it all to a foggy mist.

Of course, bad things happen in life, and so we reassure ourselves that those things are okay because we can learn from them. “Pick yourself up”, “build on failure”, “never regret anything.” Or we realize that it is a part of nature; a reason to live to our fullest in every moment. Character building stressful situations too, we seem to be able to accept without too much time spent brooding about it.

But after seeing what I have just saw, I can honestly say that I have one new memory I wish I didn’t have. The absolute carnage of the scene…

• there is a long pause in the recording*

I won’t… no I can’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that what happened devastated me. It was something I never thought I’d ever see, not ever, and I was prepared going into Security knowing there would be some repugnant things that I would have to bear witness to or investigate. Nothing, NOTHING prepared me for this. Suppose they could prepare you for it, surely it wouldn’t be ethical to cause that kind of psychological damage on cadets. These images in my head, they are the things of nightmares and they curse every moment, sleeping or waking.

Should I blame myself? Did I miss something in Sickbay? Not react fast enough? Should I have sped out and hunted these things before they could do this?

That’s a deep hole to go down. I know enough that I shouldn’t even be thinking about the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if I only dids’, but I can’t help it. I was so sure coming aboard the Gettysburg that I knew exactly what I was doing, and now I feel like I know nothing.

If ever there were a nickname to give a Midshipman’s first voyage, this is certainly the Red Cruise.

Would that I had taken an extra year to get my Masters in Psychology instead… now I’ll just need therapy.

• more silence*

End log.

Stardate 21902.02

Like my prior log, my first mission. Unlike my prior log, my last mission on the Gettysburg. Perhaps. It all just depends on what comes of my meeting with the Captain.

To say that I messed up is an understatement of epic, no ambitious, no no, magnificently grand proportions. Without getting into too much detail in a Personal Log… suffice it to say that when dealing with monsters, it helps to do so with more than a modicum of willpower to hold oneself together. I didn’t do that. I fell apart. I listened to lies, and I gobbled them up. Then spit them back out like venom at the very person who now holds my fate in her hands.

I just… I am so incredibly stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if they just wash me out altogether. Bypass sending me back to the Academy, just straight out dump me on the next ‘M’ class planet with my meagre possessions. At least I could play myself a sad song with my cello.

Learning from this is going to take time and energy, and I’m struggling to see the point if I am not sticking around. I suppose, there is life experience to be had here. But if I am forced to leave, part of me just wants to dump this…

• loud thump*

I am not like that! How can I just give up? Or let a learning moment pass my by like a chunk of debris? That isn’t like me at all and yet I am so strongly considering it at the moment.

This mission broke me, like no other I am sure to have in a long time. I broke, and then I broke down. And now I have to face the consequences of my actions, whatever those may be. There are some very serious repercussions for the potential… issues that could be brought up. There has never been a time in my life where I have floundered so incredibly hard. I thought this would be an easy ride. Was I ****ing wrong! I always thought they prepared people for stuff like this at the Academy, but I guess wide-eyed dumb middies probably come in six-packs and they don’t bother saying “Oh, hey. You might see someone melted, dented, folded in half, and then be threatened by a maniac with an Assault Rifle while holding a deadly virus laden shut-down containment unit in the other hand, juggling it like a bowling pin.”

(silence)

That is pretty specific. They wouldn’t teach that, obviously. But something like it would have been nice!

Or maybe, hey, chill on your first mission. Don’t go playing the hero and riling up literally every person you see, except for one or two who literally have to take you under their wing because you are such a massive twit.

Like… that should be in Year 3 of the Academy. Some Career and Life Management course where they can give you some pointers. Actually, scratch that. Because no one is dumb enough like me to need something like that. Just me. Just Nathan. Midshipman Catastrophe himself!

I should probably explain part of the log, that I just sort of mentioned. The part where I got held, at gun point, by a previous crew member… Monroe. Oh yeah. No big deal right? Just point your phaser that flew from your hand because you fell down an Emergency Access Hatch in the middle of a deck and landed awkwardly, twisting your ankle, with no hope of escape!

Oh, I didn’t mention that yet? Yeah. That happened. That’s the whole assault rifle, virus bit from earlier. Somehow, Monroe got into my brain. Just peeled open my dome and tip-toed her way through my cerebral cortex. Like a ninja assassin, with swords for words. She provoked me, prodded me, and then planted a seed that just grew into an enormous, bark laden red wood. Saying that so-and-so is an imposter too, that Monroe and Prittle weren’t the only ones…

I don’t know how she knew to prey on my instincts like that. Guess I could be just that easy of a read. I just… I don’t know myself anymore.

Thankfully it is all over, except for my meeting. The planet is saved. Monroe and Prittle have been decommissioned. My butt is in a frying pan, in a fire, buried in coals.

Time will tell my future... but until then I need some sleep.

End log.