Chasing Rabbits - 21104.01

By Alice Dega

“Still chasing white rabbits Alice?”

Alice hated that tease but it was something that endured over the years. Classmates never could understand the white rabbit obsession that Alice had as a small girl, not even her best friend Carly. After a while, she gave up explaining anything and just let the teases fall flat. Now that she was Joined and in Starfleet, she actually had the ultimate comeback. With the upmost nonchalance, she said, “Not anymore.”

That took Mik’a, the guy that threw the tease at her, by surprise so much that he actually dropped his beer and created a party foul. Alice was just glad that Mik’a wasn’t drinking Bloodwine since not only would it stain their pants, it reached as it dried. Carly, who was sitting across from her at the high bar table, was also visibly shocked by Alice’s comment. Mik’a just quietly left the scene of his mess and headed to rejoin with his group of friends.

The Trill tactical officer could nearly feel holes being burned in her shirt by her best friend. Carly clearly wanted to hear an explanation. Eventually Carly said, “So you gave up the search for your White Rabbit?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to be so shocked. I actually gave that up even before I joined Starfleet. Didn’t you know that?”

“Noooo. Time for you to finally explain the White Rabbit. Since every time I think I understand something shifts and I’m confused again. One moment I thought it’s your version of Prince Charming, other times an imaginary friend and others another person.”

Taking a long sip from her rum and coke to lubricate her voice. Dega knew it would be a while before she could take another drink as she finally explained one of the largest open secrets that she ever had. “Okay. It all started one day in the holodeck when I was about five years old….”

• * * * *

I love going into the holodeck and playing with the holonovel Alice in Wonderland.. I’ve played it about a half dozen times, but at the same time, it always seemed brand new and it didn’t matter where I had mommy start the novel. Today it was at the beginning where Alice spots the White Rabbit and finds the way into Wonderland.

Moving into through the tea garden and following the rabbit there was something different out of the corner of the eye. Turning my head to get a better look, I see a larger white rabbit. He wasn’t wearing the typical top hat and coat of the rabbit from the program. So I went after the new rabbit.

I couldn’t tell if this rabbit was a decoy rabbit, an Easter egg or an intruder to the program. Daddy told me that he was going to change the program some to add a little bit more of a challenge and he explained it already had a couple Easter eggs if I looked hard enough. Which was why I started the program from the beginning, I am after the bonus features.

Then the rabbit did the unimaginable. He walked out the doors and stayed whole. He didn’t just disappear into thin air. Then I remembered that daddy told me that sometimes holoprograms can be portable but you should look for an arm bands. But I can’t see one on the rabbit. Running so fast to catch him, I finally could touch him and say, “Tag, your it!”

The Daddy-sized rabbit jumped and I could only laugh as I smile and held my hands behind my back. He said, “Uh oh. I think we are both going to be in trouble.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m sent here to watch you play and grow.”

“From where? Is it the Symbi..bi..bi…” since I always stumble over the word, so I just give up and would say, “the Trill Committee thingie?” “Not quite, little one.”

“So why me?” Biting my lip. Twirling my hips some as way to distract myself from wanting to pull on the fur. I knew it’s rude but it looked so soft and I wanted to see if it was real.

“I’m not allowed to say. But what do you want to ask that you aren’t asking?”

“Can I touch your fur?”

That sent the bunny into a laughing fit. But his smile was so magical. “Sure. But just this once.”

Then a smile lit up on my face. I could feel the fur for real and maybe even give it a tug. But I didn’t think he would lift me so I could get a better look at his face although it pleased me greatly. At least I think it’s a he. He seems like a he. First I petted the fur and it felt rougher than I thought. It wasn’t like a teddy bears, instead there was a stiffness that was unexpected. Then I pulled it a little and it didn’t come off. So thought this was a real rabbit but much larger and could talk.

“I’m from the Loqondinken World.”

“So your people actually look just like rabbits but you can talk and be like any other humanoid spieces?” I prided myself on the choice of words there. It showed him how I was smart and listened to my daddy when he talks about the world. But then I had to ask the next obvious question, “Do you eat carrots and drink tea like Alice’s rabbits?”

“Sometimes. But we also eat chocolates and other things too. Much like you.”

But then the rabbit paused. He seemed to be in thought or was listening to an internal voice. That made me sad. Then he put me down. “I’m sorry but I have to go. But maybe I will see you again. My name is Jues.”

“My name is Alice. I hope we can meet again.”

Then he just disappeared right before my eyes. But it wasn’t like a transporter beam. It didn’t shimmer or make any sound. It was different. He was just gone.

• * * * *

“So that was my first meeting with Jues. My white rabbit.”

“Weird. I’m surprised your mom or your sister didn’t spot you. Outside the holodeck roaming by yourself.”

“That’s the weird thing. They came right after he left, I mean as in seconds after he left. They should have been able to spot him. But they didn’t. Then I asked about if there were any species that look like a giant rabbit or heard of Loqondinken. But of course they never did. Hence the start of the great search. Everyone including myself thought it was a just an imaginary friend but then he would show up again. So I realized he was something more.”

Alice then looked over at the bar. She then flagged the bartender down. They needed refills on their drinks. Then Alice saw something on the outskirts of eyes. A tuff of white fur.

Jues. Are you still at it? Watching and learning about a symbiotic race? It’s been ages since I’ve seen you.

“Alice. What’s going on? Did you get lost in your memories again or thinking about the White Rabbit? But what made you stop looking for this Jues. Since as long as I can remember, you always were looking for that White Rabbit and even would compare guys to that standard.”

Alice shook her head to clear out the thoughts and let Carly know that she was paying attention. “Just thought I saw somebody else that I recognized. You picked a really popular place. But where was I? Oh yeah comparing guys to the epic White Rabbit. That’s cause Jues was a gentle man who was inquisitive, intelligent and my first crush. I would run into him a lot when I was small and running that Alice in Wonderland program. But as I grew older it became less consistent. Then things changed right before I left for Starfleet…”

• * * * *

Fixating on the singular objective of accurately piloting the Badlands around the numerous obstacles, there was the unexpected voice saying, “I think you are making a huge mistake.”

I nearly went for a phaser to shoot the intruder but then I realize two things: first, I didn’t have a phaser and two, I knew that voice. So I turn around to see the same old White Rabbit that I knew my whole life. So I just frown at him.

I spent years trying to prove he existed and then gave him up at least the best I could. He was my constant playmate when I was little while at the same time a father figure. It was rare for him to really to try and interfere with my decisions. Plus I haven’t seen him in a long time yet here he was for the first time in years. In an unusually cold voice, I simply said, “I don’t understand what you mean.”

I tap the computer to pause the simulation. At least on the piloting end. I left program in place. I want to finish the piloting simulation before the end of the day.

“You need to take a break. Don’t spend all your time in these piloting simulations when you aren’t in pilot seat or in school.” I could feel my anger rising. He was the reason why I was ridiculed from primary school up until even sometimes today. I went through more psych exams in those years to prove that I was sane trying to prove I was still a valid candidate for the symbiosis. Thankfully I could just pass Jues off as an imaginary friend, a token of childhood that I didn’t want to get rid of. I knew he wasn’t from our space/time continuum and was sent to study the progression of several Trill as they prepared for Joining. So who was he to judge how I spend my time?

“I am only doing what you wanted me to do. To grow up and work towards my joining. Right now that’s what I’m doing.”

“But at what cost? Do you have any friends or go out on any dates? Don’t you realize you need more than just work related simulations?”

“I do have friends. Well a couple. Carly is one. One of those friends who will be there no matter what. But I don’t date guys from school. I definitely still fancy boys in general. But I’m not into their level of maturity and etc. I just know it will come later.”

“But why don’t you ever just relax? It’s been over a year since you ran your favorite program.”

“For what purpose? I knew you wouldn’t come. I was so attached to it since I was always hoping to find you. I was about 6 and half when I figured out that you liked to show yourself most in that holonovel since if my mom or dad came in to make sure I was alright, you wouldn’t be out of place. After your visits became less frequent as I became a teen, I just simply was running it more as a way to encourage our visits.”

“So you don’t love the Alice in Wonderland program? It was just a rouse to see me?”

“In a way. I know it was a risk since I was never supposed to meet you, let alone fall for you. It’s just a crush and I can’t just indulge in idea anymore. So it’s easier to focus on things I can acontrol. Being one of the best pilots in StarFleet and work on getting Joined. Maybe find a way to crack Warp 10.”

Then Jues turned rather red. More in the sense of being bashful rather than angry but there was a hint of anger as well. I turned away not wanting to look at that face I once adored and now showing so much hostility towards. He didn’t deserve my hatred but I hated how my feelings were ignored for so long and it seemed obvious he had no idea that I love him. As if he never thought that was an option.

Then I saw his eyes roll up to his ears. It was his classic look whenever he was listening to commands from his headquarters. Then his face dropped as he nodded and seemed to say that he understood.

“So in light of these revelations, I have been reassigned. It was a great risk to even let you know about me and our people, but this is too damaging to our research and I couldn’t live with myself if I continued to hurt you. So I’m afraid this will be our last goodbye.”

I could feel my heart soften. The magical adventure with my long friend and crush was over. I knew it. I wanted to hug him one last time but I knew he wouldn’t let me. He would either phase out or just shrug me away. Plus what was the point of hugging him goodbye after being so cold to him just a few moments ago.

So I did the only mature thing I could think of. I bit my lip as I said in a causal tone, “I understand. So I guess I will be seeing you then. I hope your research is successful.”

Then I left the holodeck. I couldn’t bear to let Jues see tears well up. I didn’t want that part of my childhood to be ripped away. It was one thing to be ready to move on and think maybe one day he would be in my life but it was different to know it was all over.

• * * * *

Then grabbing a sip of the drink. “So I knew at that moment that Jues wouldn’t be there. There was no more White Rabbit to chase. It was time to grow up and move on completely.”

Then Carly nodded. It was likely that she would have tried to hug her if they weren’t in a bar. The table separating them made that kind of action more difficult. But there was an acceptance about her that reassured Alice. “But you still have him as your Prince Charming that you compare guys to when you want to fall in love.”

“Yes and no. I know it was a crush and I think of a perfect form of the guy. Deep love that can grow from anyone. So are we going to talk about my love life all night. What about yours? Didn’t you tell me in your last comm that you had a new stud in the stable?”