Third Place Winner Stardate 20306.22

Memories of a Life Long Passed - by Cdr Himbog

© 2003 by Federation Space and the author pen named Himbog

Star Fleet Academy

Christine walked into the Auditorium and took a big, deep breath. She looked around at the new Cadets that were coming in, waiting to see which one would be assigned to her. Just at that moment she heard a chirp coming from one of her pockets. A message had been sent through to her padd. She took a seat, and started to read.

To: LCdr Christine Evans, Star Fleet Academy From: Jonathan Evans, Seattle WA Message: Christine, it's your brother, Jonathan. I thought it would be important for you to hear this. My ... Our mother is sick. Ever since the Borg attack she has fallen into a deep state of shock. She won't eat, she won't sleep... She's becoming delirious. I need you here, Christine. I need you to help us get through this. She needs a way out. All my love, Jonathan.

The message closed, and a tear rolled down Christine's cheek. She looked up and saw the Commodore standing in front of her. Jem put a hand on Christine's shoulder and asked what the problem was.

"Commodore Trinit, I am afraid I will be taking a short break from instructing. I won't be long. It's... It's my mother, in Seattle."

Jem nodded, and replied,

"Take all the time that you need, Christine. I'll get someone to cover for you."

With that, Jem turned and left to sort out some new Cadets. LCdr Evans stood up and shook her head. She wiped the tears from her eyes and replaced the padd in her pocket. She walked briskly out of the door, and made her way to the Academy shuttle bay, where she would take a shuttle to Seattle.

City of Seattle - WA

The shuttle flew out from Star Fleet Academy, and Christine could immediately see what had been happening outside the holodecks. Massive phaser cannons were fixed in the sky, high above the cities, defending the planet known as 'Earth'. Torpedo launchers sat as if resting on the atmosphere. From the ground they seemed like dots, but the further she flew out, the more she could see.

As she approached Seattle, Christine became more and more confused. There was no one to be seen. What would usually be a city full of life with shuttles, runabouts, and sorts, had become something she had never dreamed of. Even with the environmental settings on normal in her shuttle, she felt cold and lonely in a ghost town. It was eerie, just as if everyone had fled from their homes and disappeared into nowhere. However it was quite the opposite. Everyone was hiding, only leaving their humble abodes to gather what they might have left.

She took the shuttle down into a single field near to her destination. She sat in awe of the situation she was faced with. It was a place she didn't recognise, yet had spent her whole upbringing there. The field seemed bigger than how she remembered it. Many years had past since she had last seen this place, but the emptiness of it made it seem so different.

Slowly, Christine stood up from her seat at the front of the shuttle and made her way to the back where she had put a bag of belongings. She picked out a mirror that her mother had given her when she was only small and noticed a comm. badge and rank pips still attached to her uniform. Rank did not matter to her in this place, nor did the ability to contact her superiors. She took the Federation identification from her tunic and threw it to one side. She placed the mirror back in her bag and stood on the transporter. She took a deep breath, blinked a few times, and with a single command to the computer, she was beamed outside the shuttle, on her way to what was once her home.

The streets were empty, just like the field that Christine had parked her shuttlecraft. There wasn't a single noise coming from any one of the houses; however there was the occasional noise of an impulse engine and that of the wind whistling down the street. It felt like a 20th Century western ghost town.

After what seemed like a lifetime of walking around the streets of her home town, she reached the end of her old home. She turned the corner, and felt she was a cinematic camera, zooming in on her house. As her vision focussed closer and closer to the house, a shiver shot up and down her spine, causing her to fall back onto a bench that lay conveniently at the side of the road.

She sat there for a few moments, waiting, wondering, what should she do next? She then muttered a few words quietly to herself, but no matter how quiet they were an echo always repeated them from the other end of the street.

"Come on Christine, get up. This isn't you. You don't run from things, you fight them. Now get up and do something about it."

By this point, she was up anyway. Then, unconscious of the fact that she had started to walk towards the house anyway, she began to mutter once again.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. Maybe I should go back to the Academy and ignore this. Maybe I..."

At this moment, she found herself reaching for the bell of her house. Now conscious of her actions, she stopped with her finger hovering over the button. She stood suspended; not moving an inch, wondering what might be waiting inside for her.

After a number of minutes contemplating, Christine pressed the chimer, and stood back from the door. Her hands twitched with nerves and although it was a mild sixty five degrees, she was still shivering from the breeze that whistled up and down the road. She heard nothing from inside, though she did notice a curtain move from an upstairs window. Her heart beat was racing, now, and her breathing was deep to compensate. It seemed like she was standing there forever, but no sooner had she noticed the curtain move, the door opened in front of her.

A man answered the door wearing a Star Fleet uniform. On closer inspection, his ears were large, resembling a young Ferengi's. His eyes were wide and blue, and his hair was white, but scarce. He must have been around fifty years of age, and was a Commodore in rank. It wasn't Jonathan.

"Umm, I'm sorry; I've come to see my brother, Jonathan. Is he here?" Christine asked the man.

Suddenly, a huge smile spread across the Commodore's face. His head lifted slightly and a glimmer came across his forehead. He nodded, acknowledging that he knew who she was now, and gestured for her to enter. She did so hesitantly, still not having any recollection of the man standing before her.

Entering through the doorway, she looked around. Everything was just as she remembered it. Pictures hung on the walls of a hallway that seemed so much smaller now she had grown older. The stairs were directly in front of her, and another doorway was to her right hand side. The hallway continued past the stairs to reveal another room at the end. Christine walked slowly to the room at the back, running her hand against the walls of her home once again. She looked up the staircase as she walked past it, noticing the light hanging from the upstairs ceiling switched on, as it always was. She stopped in the gap where a door used to be, and looked into the room. She smiled - something she hadn't done in quite some time now - and nodded her head slowly. She was in the kitchen.

"I'll just make myself a..." she said to the man as she turned around and realised he was already half way up the stairs.

This room had changed somewhat since she had last been here all those nineteen years ago. There was an extra replicator, and everything had been moved around. Cabinets that didn't used to exist were now in places that an old oven and grill used to be. She walked past everything, still running her hand over various items, not really believing she was back home again. Standing in front of the replicator, she said "Coffee, black," and replicated a mug of her favourite beverage, before facing the reality upstairs.

Taking one last sip of her coffee, she placed it on the replicator. Seconds later, a blue haze surrounded it and the mug had vanished. Christine took another deep breath. Although it seemed like that's all she was doing, it was the only way she could truly calm herself down. Still facing away from the doorway, she heard a voice behind her. It was a soothing voice, that of a young man.

"So," said the voice, "are you coming upstairs?"

Christine turned around in one swift movement. She took one look at the man, and a split second later she felt her heart skip a beat. It was Jonathan. A huge smile came across her face and she ran forward to give him a hug.

"It's good to see you again Christine," he continued.

They stopped and talked for a few minutes, catching up on the years that they had missed. Jonathan had now joined the academy as a councillor and due to the Borg attack, the ship that he was about to join, had been destroyed.

"...I became good friends with my Commanding Officer. I've helped him out a lot with this after he lost his wife. When I told him that I was going to see how our mother was, he asked if he could come along. That's the man you spoke to on the way in - Commodore Edward Davies..."

He went on, explaining what he had been doing and why he became a councillor and Christine did a similar thing, telling him of the years she had spent leading up to her academy days. It was a good twenty minutes before they had stopped talking, when Christine smiled and nodded.

"It's good to see you too, Jonathan."

She looked out of the door and over to the stairs. The smile on her face faded, and the nod slowly became a shake. She looked back to Jonathan.

"I can't keep hiding down here. It's just going to make me worse. I think I had better go and see her."

Jonathan nodded, and with a final hug, he gestured with his head for Christine to follow him up the staircase.

She stood at the base, staring up at Jonathan as he got further and further away. The pictures hung equidistant from each other on the walls, following the pattern that was seen in the hallway. As the stairs got higher and higher, it got darker and more frightening, yet she remained fixed with one foot on the bottom step waiting to let herself go.

She cleared her thoughts and, with a gulp, followed slowly behind Jonathan, who was now at least five steps ahead of her. As he reached the top, he looked down to Christine, who was making her way up the stairs very hesitantly. From up there, she looked like a small baby, attempting to walk for the first time. When she finally reached the top, Jonathan let her go first. She knew exactly where her mother would be lying - the same place she always had done.

"Where are they?" A voice muttered in the distance. It was frantic and scared.

Christine's heart skipped another beat as she heard her mother like this. A shiver shot up her spine and made her stop in her tracks. She whispered to herself as she was walking "Come on, Christine, keep going." she could feel her heart racing now, racing in her throat. She had not been this scared in a very long time.

As she reached the doorway, her vision slowly panned around it. She first saw Commodore Davies crouched by the bedside. She then saw her mother's hand embraced in the Commodore's. Then she saw what had been haunting her ever since she received the message back in the Academy. Her mother was shivering. Her eyes were wide. Layers upon layers of blankets were piled on top of her to keep her from shivering, but nothing seemed to be working. Christine shook her head in disbelief, and collapsed to the floor by her mother's bedside.

"No," she said as a tear rolled down her cheek. "This can't be happening."

The minutes seemed like hours, and the hours like days as Christine was crouched holding her mother's hand. Jonathan was sat on the opposite side of the bed, talking across the room to Commodore Davies. She had been aware of them talking, but her mind had become vacant since she had entered the room and their words became irrelevant to her. Eventually, Christine got the courage to raise her head and look her mother in the eye. They were old and weary. The iris had become slightly tinted on both eyes, and what would usually be white, was now a yellowish colour. Christine then looked up at Jonathan.

"Why... What... How... When..."

Hundreds of questions raced through her mind making it impossible for her to concentrate on just one. Jonathan smiled and replied to what he thought she might be asking.

"She's been like this for about a week - Ever since the attack on the star base. Chards of metal were strewn across the night sky, and she became instantly distressed by everything. She hasn't slept all week, she hasn't moved in days, and it's nearly been twenty four hours since she's eaten something. It's not looking good."

Their mother turned her head and looked at Jonathan. With a bleary blink and a deep breath she started to speak.

"Not looking good? Who's not..." she coughed, "... looking good? You should see yourself!"

Jonathan sniggered and with a sarcastic look on his face added something to his earlier comment.

"Obviously hasn't lost her sense of humour though!"

A faint smile appeared on Christine's face, and then slowly disappeared again. Her mother turned back to look at her, and frowned. The wrinkles that appeared on her brow were deep and full of worry. She opened her mouth, but for a few seconds, there were no words. Then she managed to force out another sentence.

"Who... Who's this?"

Another tear rolled down Christine's face. Not being recognised by her own mother affected her deeply. Her heart had slowed down now, so much so that she could hardly feel it anymore, and had to breathe deeply to compensate. Unintentionally she imitated her mother; her mouth opened, but nothing came out. When she eventually brought herself round to speaking her words fluctuated in pitch,

"I'm your daughter, Christine. Remember?"

Her mother shook her head very slowly, and Christine broke down into tears. She had never seen her like this before. She was usually so lively, so enthusiastic, so happy. But now, she had lost those qualities, and had become a completely different person. She was now a person that was alien to Christine, a person that had she had never known; a person that she never would know.

Silence fell over the room, and was only broken by the occasional whimper from the daughter that never was. Christine looked up once again. Her mother was sleeping now but was more restless than ever. Standing up, she looked over to Jonathan.

"I need another drink."

Jonathan nodded, and Commodore Davies stayed in his seat and raised a hand to let them know he would be staying there. The two left the room with a deep sigh and made their way to the kitchen, not saying a word on their way.

After about four minutes, they were sat at opposite ends of a small coffee table, both with drinks in their hands - Jonathan; an Espresso coffee, Christine; An Irish tea. Christine took a sip, and squinted as the heat of the tea combined with the strength of the whisky warmed the back of her throat. She looked up at Jonathan with a blank look on her face and asked,

"How long do you think this is going to last?"

Jonathan shook his head both with uncertainty, and hope.

"Not long I hope. She has been going through too much. She remembers little from last week, let alone her children."

Christine smiled a fake, plastic smile. She was trying to fight the shear disbelief and depression that she was facing right now. With the state her mother was in, it was surprising that Christine hadn't come down with the same symptoms. She tilted her head back and swallowed the remainder of her tea. Looking back at Jonathan, another tear rolled down her cheek. Jonathan leant across the table and put his hand on her shoulder.

"It's going to be ok, Christine. Everything is going to be fine."

Back up in the bedroom, Commodore Davies was witnessing something he could have done without. Their mother had awoken with quite a start, and had started laughing hysterically. After a few seconds it became evident that she couldn't breathe properly anymore, and was in a great deal of pain. The Commodore got up and ran to the bathroom cabinet where there was a sedative hypospray. But by the time he had returned, she was lying still. Her eyes were wide. Her hands gripped her chest, and then slowly fell to the side of the bed with a thud as they hit the floor. She was gone.

Back in the kitchen, Christine had been smiling slightly more from Jonathan's ironically optimistic comments. She was beginning to see light in the matter now. The events of the day hadn't been the most uplifting.

"It can't go on forever." He continued.

"I certainly hope..." Christine was cut off by a sudden thump heard from upstairs.

Both hers and Jonathan's heads jerked up towards the ceiling, and then quickly returned to give each other a deathly silent glare. Christine felt a lump grow bigger and bigger in her throat, and it became increasingly hard to breathe. Jonathan reached across the table again and grasped her hands, which by this point were shaking beyond control.

"I-its ok, Christine, it's... probably nothing. Commodore Davies probably dropped something." He stuttered, trying to look on the bright side.

Christine shook her head violently and the dark side of the situation got the better of the both of them. Simultaneously jumping to their feet, they rushed upstairs knocking several pictures off the walls as they did so. The stairway was left in chaos as they thundered up it and around the landing to the room where their mother lay.

Both siblings stopped dead in the doorway, as if the door was shut. They froze where they stood, not even their eyelids moving a millimetre. Their faces were showing feelings of shock, disbelief, anger, and remorse all at once. Their mother lay still on the bed. She seemed peaceful now, and at rest with herself. Her face was emotionless. Her eyes were open, yet the grief that was shown so clearly in them before now had disappeared. The wrinkles in her face could tell a thousand tales, but none of them were in the remotest part saddened. Her hair was grey and aged more than ever now, however it was as straight as straight could be, and not a single strand was out of its place. Sure, she was gone, but the anguish that was contained within her would never be felt again.

Hours past and Christine did nothing but sit down where the Commodore was and stare at the floor. Jonathan was still standing in the doorway with the occasional tear running down his face, and Commodore Davies was now downstairs in the kitchen. Christine hadn't batted an eyelid since the site of her mother laying still. In fact, since the moment she was forgotten by her mother, she had felt somewhat detached from the whole situation. She never liked rejection, but in her Star Fleet career had grown to cope with it. However, being rejected by your own mother is a completely different situation.

Since her hand had hit the floor, five hours had past and it was now getting quite late. For the first time in quite a while, Christine looked up at Jonathan. She shook her head and her bottom lip started to quiver. Standing up, she ran over to Jon and threw her arms around his waste.

"It's over now." He said rubbing her back as she sobbed and screamed in his arms.

Downstairs, Commodore Davies was sat at the kitchen table, playing with a small black box in his hands. He didn't really know what to do with it at this moment in time, but he knew the time would come when he did know. He looked out the window, and a bird flew past and landed in a tree the other side of the garden. It fed its chicks a few tasty worms, and then fell to the floor leaving the chicks to fend for themselves. Edward looked back from the window, realising that he should probably be upstairs with Christine and Jonathan. After all, they were on their own now.

Placing the small box into his pocket, Commodore Davies got up from his seat and swiftly made his way up the stairs. For some reason it seemed brighter now. The stairway was less chaotic this time as he had spent a few moments replacing the pictures on the wall. He noticed Jonathan and Christine in the doorway and put one hand on Jonathan's shoulder.

"How is everything?" He asked.

Shaking his head, he gave a reply, "It's just hit her. I don't think it's going to be easy at all but we'll get through it..."

A week past and it didn't get any easier for Jonathan or Christine to accept. The loss of their mother would be a scar on their minds as long as they lived. She had been removed from her bed and placed in a traditionally designed coffin, made of the best wood around. Dressed in her favourite outfit, she was more beautiful than anyone could remember. However today was the hardest day for all of them - her funeral.

Outside in the street, birds could be heard singing and the rustling of wind between the leaves gave the atmosphere a fresh spring feeling. The sun shone brightly through the gaps in the curtains casting shimmering rays of light on the floors inside the house. A window was open in the room where their mother once lay. The pastel yellow curtains swayed gently in the breeze making the room feel welcoming again. The day couldn't be better.

It was morning now and Christine had been awake for several hours. She was sat on a stool in one of the spare rooms staring deep into the mirror that was placed on the makeup table in front of her. Black bags hung from her eyes due to distinct sleep deprivation, and worry lines had begun to appear on her forehead. Her hair was stringy and clumped together at the back of her neck in her hand. She realised that if she was to show her face, something would have to be done about her image.

She stood up and slowly trundled along the hallway to the bathroom. Once their she stripped naked and stood in the shower, where she spent a good half an hour making sure every part of her was squeaky clean. Once she had finished, she stepped out and vigorously rubbed herself down with a towel that lay nearby. She noticed in a mirror that her face was looking a lot more awake now, and that she would be ready to face the day in no time.

Sitting back in her bedroom, Christine remained hunched up on her bed. She had four hours until they needed to go, and a considerable amount of this time she spent thinking about her past and her future...

I wish Dad were here today. He would help me through a lot of this. I just hope he's ok out there - roaming the stars, exploring new worlds, escaping the Borg. Oh God please let him escape the Borg. Father, I pray, please stay safe.

I guess even if he has gone mom is with him now. They can keep each other company. Peaceful. Tranquil. No wars or battles to be won or lost. Simply an eternity to be enjoyed together.

Now what to wear today; not that it matters much being on a holodeck but it would be nice. Traditional? Modern? Contemporary? Formal? Casual? Oh for crying out loud...

She reached into a wardrobe and put on the first piece of clothing she found. Sitting back down at the makeup table she put something on her face to get rid of the wrinkles and the bags under her eyes. She then reached into a box to the side of her and picked out a hair brush - the same brush her mother used to do her hair with when she was younger. She let out a small smile and a giggle and another tear ran down her face.

"I'm never going to get this done!" She spluttered as she dragged the brush through her hair, getting ready for the day she had never prepared for.

They had walked just 300 yards to reach a holo-suite. A program had already been made and saved to a padd several years before now for this very day. Their mother always liked to design holo-programs, even if they were to celebrate her own parting. Entering a code into the suite and calling out a few protocols, they entered, not knowing exactly what to expect.

The scene was spectacular. They stood at the entrance to a small opening on the cliff top of a tropical island. Behind them was a forest of drooping palm trees and in front of them was a round, almost perfectly circular, grass verge. Exactly opposite them was a gap in the tree line that acted as a fence guarding the cliff edge. Miles and miles of golden beach spread into the distance before disappearing into a haze of heat on the horizon. Not a single cloud could be seen in the sky, and only the occasional seagull blocked out a small portion of light.

Jonathan, Christine and Commodore Davies carried her coffin to the front, just in front of a single tombstone that stood facing the gap in the trees. There was no minister, no congregation, no one. Not a single soul surrounded the area, and that's when Christine realised that this funeral was intended purely for the people that stood by her mother's side through her troubles.

Jonathan pulled out a padd from his pocket and placed it in a holder on top of the coffin. It contained a few brief messages that each of them had prepared for the occasion. Instead of reading them out they simply thought them, knowing that she would know exactly what they were.

Christine then silently moved away from the coffin and sat under a palm tree at the edge of the cliff. She stared out at the ocean that lapped over the edges of the eternal beach. As she watched the water, she noticed three dolphins playing in the middle of the bay. Every now and then they would jump out of the water, touch each others noses and then dive back under. All of a sudden, there were only two, and the patterns they made in the water as they splashed around didn't seem quite so poetic. The two that remained then swam off into the distance.

She moved back over to the coffin and sat next to it as Jonathan and Edward stood staring out to sea.

Hi, mum. She thought, I know you can hear me, and I know that you know who I am now. I'm sorry I couldn't come to you earlier. I would have liked to say goodbye to someone that knew me. So I guess that's what I'm doing now. I love you mum, and everything you did for me. You'll remain with me forever, and whether you like it or not I'm taking this holo-program so I can pay regular visits!

She laughed quietly to herself and as she felt her mother laugh back, a tear rolled down her cheek.

Goodbye, mum. No - I'll see you round...

She stood up as Jonathan and Edward turned back around and she looked up at the sky. She knew there was only one thing left to do now, and she wanted to do it herself. Jonathan opened his mouth and began to speak, but Christine placed one finger on his mouth and said,

"Computer, energise."

In the last blue haze Christine ever wanted to see, the coffin disappeared to a location unknown to any of them. With a whimpered 'Goodbye' she turned around and fell into Jonathan's arms. It was over.

As the three now stood in the field where Christine's shuttle had landed almost a week ago, a soft breeze blew over the grass and flustered their hair ever so slightly. It was getting quite dusky now and a mist had fallen over the city creating an eerie, yet peaceful atmosphere. Nothing could be heard, not a bird, not the wind, nothing. The city was exactly how she had found it.

Christine walked up to the exact spot that she had been beamed to and stood ready to re-enter the shuttle. She raised a hand and one by one closed her fingers over her palm like a mini Mexican wave.

"Goodbye Jonathan, it was good to see you again. Commodore Davies, I hope you regain your ship soon. I'll see you around the galaxy.

Computer," she tapped a few buttons on the padd she was holding, and was about to energise when Edward stopped her.

"Wait," he paused, "Christine, your mother asked me to give you this. And in light of your duties over the past week I feel you deserve it."

He took out the black box that he had been carrying all this time and handed it across to Christine. He didn't know what rank she was already, as she had discarded her pips before hand. But she now had a shiny new pip, and one that she would treasure.

"Thank you Como..." She was cut off again.

"Edward. Please, I can't have everyone calling me by my rank all the time!" He smiled

Christine giggled and finished her sentence "... Edward. I couldn't have done it without the two of you. Next time you're in the area, come visit me in the academy. I'm sure Jem Trinit will be glad to see some friends visiting."

Edward's face lit up, his eyes grew wide and Jonathan looked over to him as confused as Christine was.

"Jem Trinit, now there's a name I haven't heard in a while. Since the academy days if I remember. Well, sounds like I'll have to pay you a visit at some point. Take care Christine."

He extended his arm and Christine took it. She had made a good friend this week, even if she had lost her mother. Jonathan walked forward and gave her one last hug before she left for the academy. As the blue haze surrounded her, the other two watched her disappear onto her shuttle. Within moments the shuttle had powered up and was on its way back to Star Fleet Academy. They waved goodbye as the shuttle went over the horizon.

Back on board, Christine had put the shuttle on auto pilot to take her back to her destination. She sat in the back admiring the new rank pip that had been presented to her. Along with the other pips she had placed on the floor of the shuttle, she attached them to her tunic, followed by her comm. badge. Looking in the same mirror that she had done before, she looked at them carefully. Smiling, she simply said,

"Commander Christine Evans. Now that's a title I can live with."

From that point on Christine would be known as Commander Christine Evans. There was still a lot she had to learn about her mother, but that was for another visit. She was pleased to have gained the holodeck program where her mother’s gravestone lay. It was a truly beautiful location. She placed the padd containing the program in her bag along with a few other things she had picked up from the house. The City of Seattle was behind her now, and although she intended to go back one day, it certainly wouldn’t be in the near future. For now, she wanted to concentrate on her career in the Academy. It was this that would lead her to better things, get her to where she wanted and most of all, give her a future. Whereas her mother had gone, it was really her that would be doing the training from now on.

As the shuttle landed in the Academy, Christine kept all this on her mind. She left her shuttle with her bag and headed for the Auditorium where all this began. Something she had always considered a good motto was that if something is started, it will end in the same place. And that is exactly what she eventually intended.