The Devil Inside - Captain Kinziri Jal

© 2005 by Federation Space and the author pen named Kinziri Jal

The warm glow of the twin sunset usually sent feelings of contentment and thoughts of happy family reminiscences. Walking along the darkened alley this evening however, Kinziri Jal made an effort to stay out of the light and in the depths of shadow. Her thoughts were far from happy reminiscences and her mood anything but content.

The port area of the Trill homeworld's second largest city was ancient and a complex web of side streets and alleyways that serviced the warehouses and industry over the many years. There were many more places in the city or on the planet to site such a celubrious venue but somehow this remarkable bar matched it's customers subconscious.

A plain doorway, deep in shadows, and a sign barely visible bore the name 'The Captain's Table'.

Not for any mariner however. Other Trill seafarers may frequent this area but not this bar, not unless they held the rank of Captain in Star Fleet also.

Kinziri knocked once and the door opened silently.

Stepping inside, the noise of some Andorian Blues met her ears. Kinziri nodded to herself, appropriate music to match her mood. With a glance around the dim surroundings she found the usual ecclectic mix of patrons she had come to expect in this bar. The walls were festooned with bric-a-brack from all across the four Quadrants, and perhaps elsewhere too.

As she scanned around, she noted the familiar faces of Captains Godard and Syntranos sitting at one table deep in conversation. Perched upon a substantially reinforced chair at the bar was Tam Otlan, drinking some bizarre steaming beverage that glowed like lava. Captains Valiant and Daher were in heated debate about some tactical maneouver from the opposite side of the room but Kinziri spotted the table she wanted far from any of these fellow CO's. Avoiding eye contact with any of them as she passed by Kinziri hoped that they would take the hint and let her be.

This may seem to some to be a strange choice of destination for someone who wanted to be alone, but as Kinziri had spent little time among her peers it was quite fitting in a way. She didn't know many in the room other than brief and polite occasions and functions. Of course this meant that nobody really knew her either.

Heading over to the empty table at the furthest point of the room, Kinziri slumped down in the seat. Her elbows on the table she held her head in her hands and closed her eyes.

After a moment a polite cough from nearby made her raise her head slightly. Standing beside the table was Cap, the bartender of this most unusual bar.

"Your drink Ma'am." he said as he placed the tankard of Bloodwine on the table.

Kinziri blinked, the habit of always being given the drink she would have ordered BEFORE she ordered it was still a little disturbing. It was like the bar itself knew the customers mood and thoughts. This made her shiver involuntarily so she took a mouthfull of the Klingon drink to quell the thought.

"I can't help commenting that this is not your usual beverage Ma'am. No Samarian Sunset tonight? Drinking alone isn't like you either I notice..."

Kinziri frowned and shot a glare at the bartender.

"Cap did anyone tell you to keep your nose out of other peoples business?" she almost growled.

The barkeep shrugged.

"Yes, all the time." he replied. "But then I remind them that they chose to come in here and that there is only one rule in here..."

"...that patrons pay for the drinks with a story yes I'm aware of that." Kinziri finished the bartenders sentence before taking a deep draught of Bloodwine.

"Well I don't know that my story would interest anyone here, or that it's anything different or special. I'm sure everyone in here has been through similar and felt the same about it all."

Cap seemed to consider this for a moment before replying.

"Isn't is rather how the individual deals with the events and not whether the events are common that makes it interesting?" he seemed to muse aloud.

"Besides you look like someone with a great deal of weight on their shoulders with nowhere else to let it all go. Where else can you do that if not in here? If everyone in here has been through it too then what's the harm?"

The Trill shook her head and raised the tankard to her lips once again. In a fluid motion more becoming of a Klingon warrior she tipped the tankard up and drank down the remaining contents then slammed the tankard down on the table again, with a little more force than she'd intended.

"It's a personal matter." she said in a quiet but firm tone.

Cap nodded.

"If it's too personal of course, perhaps you should find somewhere more suiting to solace? Family or friends perhaps?"

Kinziri caught the hint and shuffled uncomfortably in her chair. The thought of sharing her thoughts on something so close to her heart was enough to make her flee for the door, but then where indeed would she run to? Family? No. Most definitely not. Friends? What friends?

"Well fill this up and I may consider it." she said indicating the empty mug.

Cap shrugged and dutifully removed the empty tankard and walked over to the bar. When he returned with a fresh drink he placed it on the table again.

The Trill Captain rubbed her eyes and regarded the tankard solemnly then looked up at Cap. The shadows around her eyes did little to hide the redness or the pain that was held within.

"Okay. Well where should I start? I guess I could begin with that line I know damn well everyone in this room has thought or said at least once in their careers... I'm just not cut out for this position... I can't do it. I'm a bad Commanding Officer and I don't know why Star Fleet haven't replaced me already."

Cap didn't comment, just stood there patiently and waited as the woman took another deep draught of the strong Klingon wine.

"I didn't think I'd ever be a Captain of a Starship you know? I grew up on this planet but looked up at the sky and tried to count the stars. I wanted to go and visit them all, see all the wonders of space and push back the covers of science... but I bet everyone in Star Fleet can say something like that, I'm not so special.

Becoming Joined with my symbiont changed my perspective, but not my desire to explore. I had all these lifetimes of memories and experiences all of a sudden, quite overwhelming to begin with. I could be in the middle of a conversation and a vision of a Nebula from the far side of the Quadrant would appear in my head in vivid colour... but Jal had never been Joined with a scientist before so all my questions about it were still unanswered.

I chose my path without realising that the path of science can be a cold and lonely one... rather like that of Command I suppose...

Anyhow this has little to do with my story when I get to it, or maybe it does I don't know."

Kinziri lowered her head and once more rubbed her eyes.

"I was quite happy being head of a department." she almost murmured. "Why didn't I stay there? Why did I have to accept that promotion...?"

Cap shifted his weight onto the other foot as he waited for the Trill to finally get to the story. He could wait as long as it took, it was what he was here for. Didn't stop him wanting to give a gently nudge occasionally however.

"So your story wouldn't have happened if you were still Chief Medical Officer on the Copernicus?" he prompted.

Kinziri started a little when she heard him mention her former appointment. How did he do that? Did he know everything about all of his customers?

"Acutally it would. It would just have happened differently, and I wouldn't have been responsible for so many other lives... or deaths."

Falling silent, tears began to well up in the Captain's eyes. As they started to trace their way down her cheeks she swept them aside with the back of a hand, the other hand lifting the tankard of Bloodwine again.

"To all those who no longer with us." she said resolutely before taking a mouthfull.

"Aye."

"Here here."

"Indeed."

Looking round in surprise, Kinziri saw that several other Captains had joined her toast to the dead.

"In what way do you mean your story would have happened anyway? You could 'cut to the chase' too as the Terrans say" prompted a Bolian that Kinziri didn't recognise.

With a sigh and a moments consideration she turned slightly to take in her unexpected (and unwanted) audience.

"Some of what I have to say is a somewhat sensitive matter, and one that must NOT leave this room, let alone this planet. I must have that understood or I'll keep it to myself, there is too much to lose."

Cap was the first to reply, followed by the nods of the Captains.

"Anything said in this room is strictly confidential, on Captain's honour, you can be sure of that."

"Very well." Kinziri said before draining her second tankard of Bloodwine and placing the empty mug on the table again.

"This isn't a tale I tell easily so please bear with me in the more ... difficult... parts."

Stealing herself and trying to find a focus, the Trill finally began her story.

"Just about a year ago, after my first outing with the Drake as CO, I was asked to take part in a short scientific investigation with another Trill. As it isn't usual practice for Star Fleet to ask a Commanding Officer to go on random science missions I was puzzled, but as I was informed that it involved a renowned Trill scientist and was a sensitive matter to the Trill government I figured I'd just go along with it. Besides, as you could say, you can take the girl out of science but... Anyway I was intruiged by the mystery so I agreed.

The mission required the use of one of the Drake's runabouts and a small number of the crew, which was one of the reasons that the ship's CO was involved, the other I would find out later.

Jarel Rav was something of a surprise to me. I'd read some of his research of course but I had never expected him to be so ... handsome. When we first met I felt that spark of electricity between us that made me stammer and mumble like a Cadet in first semester at the Academy!

Naturally a Star Fleet Captain cannot be seen to have relations with anyone related to a mission so I pushed it all aside and tried to form some semblance of professionalism. Not easy when Jarel was so charismatic as well as handsome.

Anyway, the mission involved investigating some artifacts found in caves on a moon on the outer edge of the Trill system. Orbiting the furthest of the nine planets in the system the moon known to us as Cylmestra was virtually unexplored. The runabout took us there with good speed and we quickly unloaded Jarel's equipment and set up our camp.

Another characteristic that I found surprising in Jarel Rav was his apptitude at time management. Something of a rarity in what can be a profession full of self absorbed eccentrics. Daily work schedule followed a regular pattern with time to start, breaks, and time to wind up in the afternoon set as standard from day one.

This left the evenings free for the crew to unwind, and for me to get to know Jarel better. We dined together and walked and talked about everything from science and history to my own loves of botany and the craziness of having three lifetimes of other peoples memories running around in one's head.

The fact that Cylmestra had a pleasant climate and ecology, unusual in moons orbiting "sludgeball" planets, made our time together all the more enjoyable. In retrospect I should have known that I was falling for Jarel and stopped our relationship there and then. His very presence was ... magnetic, to me though, and it had been so very long since I had felt able to relax the way I did then."

Pausing from her tale for a moment, Kinziri's wistful look faded and she took another mouthfull of her Bloodwine.

"Well to explain a little of what we were looking for on that mission I have to give a short biology and history lesson for those of you unfamiliar with us Trill." Kinziri continued, getting back to business.

"Trill are a 'dual' species, we have a humanoid 'host' to a 'symbiont' who is contained inside a cavity in the humanoid abdomen. The two minds are linked as one. The two organisms are so intertwined that they cannot be separated without causing the death of both. The Symbiont has a much longer lifespan than the host, and so is passed on to a new host upon the death of the humanoid who carries it. All of the experiences and memories of that lifetime are taken with the Symbiont to the new host. To put that into perspective, I may look like a woman in her early thirties but I have the combined experience that push my 'age' to nearer one hundred and fifty.

How we came to be this way has been the centre of debate for centuries. The First Joining is a tale that is more mythology and religion than it is science."

Kinziri paused for breath, and caught sight of the impatient look on the face of the Bolian.

"Forgive my former CMO background coming through there but that bit of knowledge is important for my tale.

To continue, as I say the origins of our symbiosis and genesis are a mystery but in the last thirty years there have been some ... disturbing discoveries. It seems that the vermiform symbionts are not unique in this universe. Where they originated nobody knows but tales have come to light about another, darker, relation to the symbionts who make their home on Trill."

"Excuse my impertinence Captain but what do you mean by darker?"

Kinziri shot a glare at the Bolian again.

"I'll get to that when I'm good and ready. If you don't like my tale you don't have to listen, in fact I didn't want to tell it at all..."

"Please continue Captain, you have my interest at least." urged a Terran that Kinziri recognised as Brett Jacobs, CO of the Philadelphia and like her, a former CMO.

"Alright. Well on Cylmestra there were some engravings in the caves that implied that the moon had been inhabited millenia ago by a form of symbiont other than our familiar one, one that entered the host in a different manner. Quite what that meant was a mystery to us then. If only we had known I wouldn't have landed on that damned moon." Kinziri said, her tone growing bitter.

"So the work went well. The Drake science team made me proud to be their Commanding Officer, and the hypotheses Jarel and the team came up with stirred my scientific mind too. We were thinking that this was an early form of our species evolution, perhaps that there had been some leap that made symbiosis change method through environmental factors.

The trail of engravings led us deeper into the cave system and deeper into the moon. Eventually we found a cave-in that prevented further investigation without heavy work to remove it. Jarel was disappointed and in my infatuation I wanted to do what I could to help.

On the runabout we had weapons naturally, and hand weapons too of course. As the Drake had then recently acquired a Marine deployment our runabout also had a small number of the more powerful Marine rifles. I authorised their use and the crew set to work clearing a path through the rubble in the caves. This was the turning point in our mission, but not for the better as we found later.

A great cavern lay on the other side of the cave-in, and the exquisite engravings in there would have taken years to decipher. Jarel was so excited!

That night Jarel and I dined in my quarters and after a couple of glasses of wine all my carefully placed emotional walls were down. When Jarel held me close to him in those strong arms, I looked up into his eyes and felt like I was in paradise. Needless to say Jarel spent the night in my bed, one of the happiest nights of my life.

Next day saw the whole team, including myself, working in the chamber. This was not my forte science-wise but I was caught up in everyone's enthusiasm. What was most intruiguing was the angular raised block of stone in the centre of the chamber. Jarel was convinced that it was hollow and that some treasure lay within.

Unfortunately I was called away, back to the runabout, as a communique came through from Star Fleet HQ. When I finished with business I found that the team had returned for their evening meal but that Jarel was not with them. Assuming that his excitement had caused him to keep on working I prepared a light meal for him and set out to take it to him.

I found him in the chamber working feverishly on that raised block, trying to find a way to open it up. I sat and watched for a while, admiring his dedication, among other things. Weariness overcame me however and I left Jarel working and headed back to my quarters to sleep.

I awoke next morning when I heard a muffled cry from outside the temporary quarters. Quickly getting dressed I went out to investigate. Three of the crew were standing close together, looking down at something. As I approached I felt a mounting horror realising they looked down at a body. One of my crew was dead.

Ensign Molanto was new to the Drake and had shown his promise already on this expedition. I shook my head with disbelief as I saw his sightless eyes looking back up at me. Midshipman Sharlen was in tears, sobbing into the shoulder of Midshipman Kel'tri. Once I recovered from my shock my medical training kicked in. I had the body brought into the cover of the main camps investigation room and began a post mortem immediately.

Molanto had been the first to go into the chamber that morning apparently and had been found by the other three when he hadn't returned. I declared the chamber off limits until I had found the cause of death. This was when I had more bad news. Jarel was missing. I sent the crew out to search but not in the caves themselves.

My examination of the Ensign was frustrating and I wished I had the full resources of a Starship's medical facility such as I'd had on the Copernicus at my disposal. Finding no trace of physical harm to any of his body I had to concentrate on the strange marks I found around his ear. Basic scans showed massive neurological damage but I was at a loss as to how this had happened.

Tapping my comm badge I decided to call the team back together and find out if they had found Jarel.

No reply.

I tried repeatedly, and grew increasingly worried as none of them replied. Perhaps they had gone into the cave where there was limited signal recieved? I had to go find them myself it seemed.

There was no sign of anyone in the area around the camp, but a tricorder was on the ground at the entrance of the caves. With a sinking feeling I entered the cavemouth.

A tricorder in one hand and phaser in the other I trod carefully as I followed the rough passage into the depths of the moon.

I tried to listen carefully for any sound that might be a crewman in distress, not easy to do when my heart was pounding so hard in my ears. With panic rising I tried to force myself through the breathing excercises former host to Jal, Brinya, had taught her students.

Fearing the worst was little preparation for me when I stumbled over the prone form of Midshipman Kel'tri. In the light of the torch attached to the phaser I saw the same odd marks at the side of the ear. The lighting only made the vacant stare and pained expression caught on his face more terrifying for me.

Reminding myself that I was the Commanding Officer and responsible for the whole team I forced every bit of courage to go on deeper into the caves to search for the remaining missing crew.

After another ten minutes careful search I found another body, Lieutenant Rogers, the team leader, and as dead as the other two. Only one more missing, plus Jarel, I had to go on.

Tensing my body as I had I felt so very cold. Every shadow made me jump as my mind sought for some creature or something that had killed three of my crew.

Ten more minutes went by and I was approaching the large chamber. The closer I got the more convinced I was that I heard a noise. Closer still the noise proved to be sobbing.

"Midshipman Sharlen?" I called. "It's Captain Jal, where are you?"

The sobbing stopped.

My nerves pushed to their limit now I cautiously crept forward, searching from side to side with the torch. I finally found her in a corner hugging her knees in a foetal position.

"Midshipman are you hurt? It's okay it's me Kinziri..." I called in as reassuring a voice as I could muster.

Suspicious eyes looked up at me over the knees.

"Midshipman...?"

"D d d don't come closer! You're just like him, you're one of them too!" came the terrified Midshipman's voice in the halflight.

One of them? Just like him? What did she mean? Did she mean Jarel, and if so why?

I heard a noise behind me and froze.

Sharen began whimpering and stared passed me. I slowly turned around to see...

"Jarel?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper.

In the half light of the torch I could see him, for it was Jarel. His tall form seemed taller still in the poor light on him, and it seemed to deepen the shadows where his eyes lay. His broad smile seemed so calm but it filled my heart with terror. My tricorder clattered to the floor and I only just held on to the phaser and torch in my panic.

"Jarel Rav. Can you hear me? Are you alright?" I called out, only realising what I'd said after the fact.

His smile broadened still, then his voice whispered in a tone I didn't recognise.

"Jarel is here... but Rav is not." he said.

I didn't understand. How could Rav not be there? Had the Symbiont died? But Jarel wouldn't survive without Rav?

"Wha ... what do you mean?" I asked, unable to keep the tremors from my voice now.

"Rav was one of the Weak Ones. He won't trouble us anymore. Jal is another of the Weak Ones... we can be rid of that filth too..." came the otherworldly whispers.

Jarel was slowly walking towards me and unknowingly I was backing away but right into the cavern wall. I bumped into it and stumbled, falling to the floor. Cursing my clumsiness I pushed myself upright and scrabbled to get the phaser/torch and raise it.

Jarel stood right in front of me, towering over me and grinning down murderously.

Now you have to understand, Trill are raised to hold the life of a Symbiont as the most precious thing, even moreso than that of the host. Hearing these words from Jarel told me instantly that this was not truly him speaking. He was being controlled, possessed!

Putting the pieces together I realised that the engraved stone block that Jarel had been trying to open must have held some suspended animation conditions or something and that there was a creature inside. A creature that entered humanoid bodies through the ear. That would give immediate access to the humanoid brain, fit to control or do whatever.

It's strange how one's mind works things like this out when all common sense is telling you that you are about to die a horrible death beyond anything you had imagined before.

I felt in the depths of my being that I, Kinziri, would be the last host to Jal, if something spectacular didn't happen now.

So I raised the phaser and pressed the fire button.

Jarel laughed. An unearthly sound that send shivers through my spine. No searing phaser beam shot out to him though and he stood there menacingly above me.

"The rock in here drains the power cells in your weapon it seems. That's what the one called Rogers told me right before I devoured his mind." the unnatural whisper said through Jarel with almost tangible glee.

There is a basic instinct inherant in most humanoid species that the Terran's term "fight or flight". At that moment I wasn't prepared to do either but I scrambled back as far as I could into the cavern wall.

Within my body I could feel Jal squirm, no doubt in as much if not more terror than I was. I felt my mind suddenly swamped with images, feelings, thoughts from over a hundred years of life. Somewhere in all of that there must be something that could save our lives, Jal must have been searching in desperation.

And there it was.

K'sin, a crescent sweeping kick taught as part of Kareel-ifla, or 'Vulcan karate'.

In a flash my leg shot out and swept Jarel from his feet. Not for the first time I thanked Rentara's unconventional method of Diplomacy by first learning a species martial arts. If you know how they fight, you can find a way to peace was Rentara's motto.

The fight was not over however. Jarel, or whatever he now was, lay on the floor only long enough for me to get upright and adopt a fighting stance. Not bothering with any such finesse Jarel lunged at me and I was knocked backward. His strength was unnatural as was his speed.

Recovering as quickly as I could, I found memory and instinct take over again. As Jarel was so close it wasn't difficult to make a grab for him. Jal used Rentara's training in Kareel-ifla once more and I watched my own hands take hold of Jarel by the head and with one easy motion perform the Tal-Shaya. I screamed as my very own hands snapped the neck of my lover.

I dropped Jarel and staggered backward, staring in horror at the scene I was inextricably part of.

As quick as Jarel's body hit the ground I saw in the sickly dim torchlight that something was crawling out of Jarel's ear. The small creature glistened as it crawled free, then moved like lightning across the ground ... towards me!

Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! screamed Jal through every fibre of my being.

Gone was any attempt at alien martial arts, now the very basic impulses to protect my life were the only things available. I stamped on the creature as hard as I could. I felt no movement so lifted my foot. It wasn't dead however, and lept off the ground right up at me! Somehow I managed to snatch it in my fingers and I didn't let go.

The creature let out a piercing shrill shriek as it attacked. My fingers tightened around it's slippery wriggling form like a vice and I squeezed as hard as possible.

I don't know how long I stood there squeezing it after it was dead. A sound pulled my attention back and I realised that while the creature in my hands was dead, Jarel was not, not quite.

Dropping the creature I stamped on it and made sure it's 'head' was severed from the rest of it just to be sure, then dashed over to Jarel.

Falling to my knees I lifted his shoulders up. I saw that he was dying, I knew that nothing could be done to save him, not here on this moon so far from the medical department that had been my second home for a while. Blood trickled from his mouth as he tried to speak. Water drops splashed on his face as the tears fell from my eyes. I held him close to me, as close as he had held me in my quarters the previous night. Again he tried to speak but the pain it caused was obvious so I tried to tell him to stay quiet.

"I'm sorry Kinziri." he managed to say, before his eyes closed for the last time.

I don't know how long I held him then. I don't really remember much of what happened next. Midshipman Shalren and I must have recovered our senses enough to crawl out of the caves. We sat huddled together in the cold night while we waited for Star Fleet to respond to our distress call.

A year later I'm still haunted each night by the blank faces of my dead crew. Worse still each time I see another Trill I see a reflection of Jarel and the love I found then destroyed with my own hands..."

Kinziri bowed her head as she came to the end of her story, now unable to stop the tears fall as she had when she had first taken this seat in the Captain's Table.

Cap layed a hand on her shoulder and looking round at the sympathetic faces of the Captain's who'd been listening, gave a jerk of the head that told them to quietly be somewhere else. He rolled his eyes and considered the poor timing of the band playing in the corner. They'd just started an old Terran blues number called 'The Sky is Crying'. He hoped that the Trill here wasn't familiar with it.

After a few minutes Kinziri stopped crying and made a fuss of mopping up the tears from her face. She had never, ever, allowed anyone to see her like this, to see her weaknesses in this way.

"So how does any of that make you a bad Commanding Officer?" Cap asked. "Seems to me you did all you could for your crew. Every CO regrets the loss of life from his crew, if he, or she, didn't then that's the time Star Fleet replace them. Do you feel better though, for getting it all out?"

Kinziri raised her head a little, then held out the empty tankard.

"Just get me a drink."